01 Apr

The Expert


(Rumor has it the author of this blog waited a week specifically to post on April 1st, but that’s just personal conjecture.  Don’t ask me, I only press keys on a keyboard.)

WARNING: The language in this entry will contain some swear words as if it was designed by a pirate.  (“Swears like a pirate” is an out of date saying anyways, today it’s more like swears like they’re describing their internet provider.  Or possibly commenting on someone famous.  Think Justin Bieber.  Begin swearing now.)

Clearly, today’s short was meant to be a TED Talk.  Not only is the structure of the concept spot on for regular joes but it uses the appropriate lingo of expertise.  The dialogue placed in it has all the big buzz words, words like ‘expert’, ‘geometry’ and ‘red’.  The only thing missing is an audience and some theme music at the start of it. 

SCIENCE, Fuck ya!

This video, 97.3% of meetings out there, my… life.., all appears to be close parallels of the same story (one caveat mind you, I’m not important enough to be invited to meetings). 

Luckily, the work gets handed down in the familiar gifting tradition started in times of slavery.  The benefit of this pass the work along method is that everyone gets to see the madness of what is known as post planning.  It’s the equivalent of ‘Hey!  Surprise muthafucker, all these people who get paid more than you, are now waiting on you to do the work.  Now Work!  You faceless nerd!”

Ironically, the poor ‘Expert’ in this video is treated better than some actual experts out there.  If you meet an actual expert in the wild, please treat them like all languages are secondary and that they must have some kind of mental handicap in order for them to be where they are today.

Because, SCIENCE!  Fuck ya! 

Just look at the agreeing comments on the video, this video speaks so much truth that you can use it to calibrate all future meetings to be as productive.

What makes everyone so blind to the expert’s confusion?

It’s due to the requirements of their own positions.  Never forget the unspoken privileges of position.  Gossip around in an office is considered a ‘bad’ thing.  Gossiping about people behind their backs, is very bad.  But gossip in a manager’s office, that’s called due diligence of good leadership.

And it is in that perspective, that the bloody red line can be drawn with a blue and green marker.

Of course, if you happen to be in management then all of this is just jokes.  (The video is pure fictional nonsense of course)

For the rest of us, share.


PS> Is it just me is or there an increasingly number of ‘Random Science innovation’ links being passed around with ‘Fuck Ya!’ comments like they’ve discovered some new kind of porn.  When did we become a bunch of horny robot bonobo monkeys that beat off to technology news?  What the fuck man.

Oh and a Happy April Fools day, a day to remind us to not take life too seriously.  Science!

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Posted by on April 1, 2014 in Uncategorized


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