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09 May

Joe Smith: How to use a paper towel

It’s a Tuesday!  Why the change?  I’m living the joy of volunteer work, where the effort is the best reward (some might argue ‘only’).  I am currently working as a humble crew member for a local production of Man of La Mancha.  Now I’ve never seen Man of La Mancha before and the show/story/music is great.  It’s much more ‘adult’ in nature than I would expected (see rape scene) so it’s also a bit of an eye opener.

Likewise, another ‘its so damn simple why didn’t I know this before’ TED Talk can be found here: http://www.ted.com/talks/joe_smith_how_to_use_a_paper_towel.html

Length: 4 minutes, 28 seconds

Well this is just damn embarrassing.  Why didn’t I already know how to use a paper towel?  Or to be more accurate, how did I NOT know how to properly dry my stupid useless twinkie fingered hands?

I’ll be honest, there are two things I do when I go to the bathroom.  The first, I use the facilities!  (see joyful exclamation mark included for emphasis)

Ok, there are THREE things I do when I go to the bathroom.  The first part is nature’s call (if at work, this is also interchangeable with ‘play Tetris break’), the second part is I wash my hands and finally, I dry my hands.

Why I decided to distinctively break this down into three parts, I have no idea.  It is more than likely due to the reason that similar to ‘Ready.  Aim.  Fire.’ you have to put the three in a particular order for it to work.  Washing your hands, drying your hands and then using the facilities is cause for a health inspection.  (I digress.)

Now I’m a man who prefer paper towels.  It reduces waiting time to get the hell out and thereby minimizes the possibility of ‘washroom conversation’, or being the cause of delay for weird smiley guy and/or being stuck in the gas chamber of death.  It’s a lot like using a public shower where you’re more vulnerable in nature.  Don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, and for the love of god don’t smile at me.

Going to the bathroom?  Hell no, it’s more like going to a funeral.

Obviously I have bathroom issues to sort out.

Now part of this routine is that I’ll grab a hundred paper towels and hastily slap them between my hands in some futile effort to get them dry.  That’s right, I don’t stop at ONE paper towel, I pull out a screwdriver and hinge open the metal door and just take ALL of them.  They’re mine, ALL THE PAPER TOWELS ARE MINE.

And then I will slam dunk them into the garbage container on the way out, leaving all behind me in wallowing water hands.

But I don’t need to be doing this?  I could solve one of life’s mysteries (how to dry hands) just by adding a singular step to the process?  This is devil’s magic!  Witchcraft I say!  Burn the pagans!

One Sentence Summary

“Shake the water off your hands.  You idiot.”

Yes, this is two sentences (and the second is just a sentence fragment), but its so simple it had to be said.  It’s on par with ‘take off sunglasses when walking through dark corridor’ and ‘open mouth FIRST before put food in’.  It’s almost to the point that I considered this to be possible ‘lost Aztec knowledge’ that was culturally forgotten thanks to our so called superior ‘hand dryer technology’.

What caught me off guard

Joe Smith, who does a very good job by the way, teaches in a manner that is akin to a grand parent teaching a very small child.  He uses a slightly uncomfortable interaction device (this side of the room shouts ‘Shake’ and the other side says ‘Fold’), followed by an example and multiple repetitions.

There’s nothing wrong with it, it adds to the presentation time, but if it worked for the first paper towel he held up, I seriously doubt anyone was going to stand up and shout ‘LIAR!’ during the third or fourth time he dried his hands.

If I had been giving the presentation, I can envision going a completely different route of grabbing the microphone and shouting into it at center stage.

“When you wash, shake your bloody hands twelve times and then use the folded towel.” and then I’d expertly hold the mic aside and drop it to the floor.  (This might also be followed by shouting ‘Eugene has dropped the mic!  PEACE!’)

Aw, who am I kidding.  I would have added diagrams and somehow related it to chess, and once the audience was drenched in tears of boredom I would hand out paper towels for a mass demonstration.

I like the clever use of the word ‘Twelve’, in that it pertains to the highest one syllable number.  (Note: I tried counting while using this technique earlier today, and found that I seem to favor Fifteen more)

Questions

None really, however I did come across a revelation.  This revelation is that everything I know how to do is wrong and eventually there will be a TED talk to enlighten me.  Joe Smith jokes that he will return with a ‘toilet paper’ lesson someday but we know it not to be true.  You can’t shake that.

Er, not fast enough, I mean.  You can shake that thing,

SHAKE.  THAT.  THING.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cy8eIhenr0w

I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume this isn’t what was in mind, but hey it fits with this TED Talk.  (No one saw that coming, not even me)

What can we do now?

Shake your hands, fold your paper towel.  Dry your hands.

Now if only they can create a TED talk on how to shave beards properly, I can never get it right.

– Updated every Thursday

(Er.. Tuesdays.. until the show run is over)

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4 Comments

Posted by on May 9, 2012 in TED Talks

 

4 responses to “Joe Smith: How to use a paper towel

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    Good day! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d
    ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest
    writing a blog post or vice-versa? My site covers a lot of the same
    topics as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each other.
    If you’re interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Superb blog by the way!
    At this time it sounds like Movable Type is the preferred blogging platform available right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what
    you are using on your blog?
    Good post however I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this subject?
    I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Thanks!
    Howdy! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same
    blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty finding one? Thanks a lot!
    When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Appreciate it!
    Hello! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a group of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficial information to work on. You have done a extraordinary job!
    Greetings! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this website? I’m getting fed up of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform.
    I would be fantastic if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

    Hello! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my good old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this post to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!
    Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something informative to read?
    Today, I went to the beach front with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!
    The other day, while I was at work, my sister stole my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!
    I was wondering if you ever considered changing the structure of your website? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two images. Maybe you could space it out better?
    Hi there, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam feedback? If so how do you protect against it, any plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately it’s driving
    me crazy so any support is very much appreciated.

    This design is incredible! You obviously know how to keep a reader amused.
    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved
    to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Fantastic job.
    I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it.
    Too cool!
    I’m really enjoying the design and layout of your site. It’s a very easy on the eyes which
    makes it much more pleasant for me to come here and visit more often.

    Did you hire out a developer to create your theme?
    Excellent work!
    Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before but after browsing through some of the post I realized it’s new
    to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be book-marking and
    checking back frequently!
    Hey! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group?
    There’s a lot of folks that I think would really enjoy your content. Please let me know. Thank you
    Hey there, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog site in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, fantastic blog!
    Wonderful blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo News. Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I’ve been trying for
    a while but I never seem to get there! Thank you
    Good day! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an
    established blog. Is it very difficult to set up your own blog?
    I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking
    about setting up my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any tips or suggestions? With thanks
    Hello there! Quick question that’s entirely off topic. Do you know how to make your
    site mobile friendly? My website looks weird when viewing from
    my iphone4. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to correct this problem. If you have any suggestions, please share. Many thanks!
    I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your sites really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead
    and bookmark your website to come back later on. Many thanks
    I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you make this website yourself or did you hire someone to do
    it for you? Plz respond as I’m looking to create my own blog and would like to know where u got this from. thank you
    Wow! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on
    a totally different topic but it has pretty much the same layout and design.

    Outstanding choice of colors!
    Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let
    you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading correctly. I’m not
    sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same results.
    Howdy are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog world
    but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you need any html coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be really appreciated!
    Whats up this is kinda of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding skills so I wanted to get advice
    from someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!

    Hi! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any trouble with hackers?
    My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing a few months of hard work due to no
    back up. Do you have any solutions to prevent hackers?

    Hey! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be okay. I’m
    undoubtedly enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.

    Hey! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard
    against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on.
    Any suggestions?
    Good day! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with Search
    Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing
    very good gains. If you know of any please share. Many
    thanks!
    I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was curious what all is required to get setup? I’m
    assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny?

    I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100% certain. Any recommendations or advice would
    be greatly appreciated. Kudos
    Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the images on this blog loading?
    I’m trying to find out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the
    blog. Any responses would be greatly appreciated.
    I’m not sure why but this site is loading extremely slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a issue on my end? I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

    Hello! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new iphone 3gs! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the excellent work!
    Wow that was odd. I just wrote an very long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show
    up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Regardless, just wanted to say fantastic blog!

     
  3. Wilfred

    August 26, 2014 at 11:22 PM

    Howdy! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a group of volunteers and starting a new
    project in a community in the same niche. Your blog
    provided us beneficial information to work on. You have done a extraordinary job!

     
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